Post No Bills
Have you ever met a Bill? Or should I say William? Will? Willie? Billy? God, they really chafe my hide. Just when you think you have figured out what to call one of them, the next one wants to be called something different. It's OK to call our former President "Bill," but the Chief Justice insists on "William." Once, I called a William "Bill" and he told me he didn't like that moniker and would I please address him as William. He actually used the words moniker and address. I'm tellin' ya, some of these "William's" get so touchy, not to mention high fallutin. I've even heard stories of some of those people resorting to fisticuffs if someone insists on calling them "Will" or "Willie." They have no sense of humor. And some of them can't even decide on a name and then stick to it. There was this one guy we called "Billy"-all through school-and then BAM, all of a sudden he wants to be called "Bill." Even worse, after grad school he starts insisting that he be referred to as "William." And let me tell you, I'm not the only one who has experienced this. Virtually everyone I know has had similar experiences with those people. Once, I asked one of them why can't they just agree on one name and then stick to it. He looked at me like I was clueless and just shook his head. Hey, I just want to know what to call them and not have to worry about offending anybody.
Inoffensively Yours
Be assured nothing is so offensive as the effort to be inoffensive. The desire to be inoffensive is about our comfort, not someone else's, and when we put our comfort first we are being disrespectful to others.
Quit worrying about what "they" want to be called. "They" don't exist. The grouping of people may be convenient, but it is exceedingly rude. There are too many variables, too many different personalities. When was the last time you dealt with a group of anything? We don't deal with groups. We deal with individuals. And individuals have names. So, you needn't fret over what to call them. Just ask their name.
