Death is the most common of experiences. And though it surely will make a personal call to each of us, it also makes its presence known countless times throughout our lives. From the demise of casual acquaintances to the loss of someone very close, we find ourselves continually faced with the uncomfortable prospect of what to say to (and possibly what to do for) those closest to the deceased.
What to Say
The truth of the matter is that there is nothing one can say to someone who has experienced a loss. And yet, we must find something to say, something to do, something that acknowledges the life that has passed and the loss that has been suffered. And those are the two areas which are usually suitable for comment. You can acknowledge the loss or the life.
The Loss
I'm sorry for your loss.
My deepest sympathies.
My condolences.
The above are all suitable. They are simple, direct, honest, non-judgmental and welcome. They are particularly suitable in situations where you do not know either the deceased or the family particularly well. And when you lack familiarity, anything else you have to say may be inappropriate and presumptuous.
If the death involves someone who died unexpectedly, you may want to add, "It's so unfair." Most likely, the family feels the same and will take comfort knowing that others understand.
The Life
When you know the departed well, one of the dearest things you can do is help to celebrate their life. Let their family know how much this person meant to you. Tell them how lucky you feel to have known their son, their daughter, their mother, their father or sibling. Recount stories that reveal who this person was to you, and who they were at their most vibrant. Let the family know that their loved one will be missed and remembered. Nothing is more comforting than knowing that others will hold a loved one close to their hearts, too.
