The Marvels of Modern Medicine
By now you are probably dying to know how I quit. My answer? A magic pill. Whether your doctor calls it Wellbutrin or Zyban, it’s the same medication, an anti-depressant that doubles as an effective smoking preventative. Because everyone’s physiology is different, I can only relate my experience with this wonder drug, but my experience is representative of the norm, so listen up…

Take your doctor-recommended dosage of Zyban/Wellbutrin every day for about a month. Continue to smoke as long as you find it interesting to do so. The first few days, you probably won’t notice any difference. After that, you’ll begin to notice that your cigarettes aren’t as tasty or satisfying as they used to be. At first, I thought I was coming down with a cold—my cigarettes had that nasty, burnt, metallic taste they had when I was sick. Then, my cigarettes became less effective. Although I smoked full-tar Parliaments, they tasted like Benson & Hedges Ultra Lights; in other words, they had as much nicotine power as a breath of fresh air.

At this point, it is critical that you do not stop taking your medication. As the days wear on, you’ll become annoyed with your cigarettes. Then you will become disgusted, angry and, ultimately, bored. A few days after that, you will wonder why you bother. Finally, you will quit altogether.

Again, do not stop taking your medication. If you feel bereft or lonely or awkward about not having a burning butt between your fingers, consider joining a real-life or online support group. See a therapist. Talk to your friends. Chew gum. Whatever you do, do not stop taking your medication. After four to six weeks, when you feel you have really, really quit, see your doctor about going off the meds.