Learning the Hard Way
On one of our first dates, my boyfriend took me to a football game. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, propagated mainly by the fact that when he asked me if I’d like to go, I seemed to indicate that nothing would make me happier. What made it worse was that, for some reason, he was under the impression that I knew all about football and had been a longtime fan. The following four hours were a muddle of regret and confusion. When the announcer cried out, “Are you ready for some football?” I was the only one shaking my head “no.” But I sat still, pretending to smile, as the surrounding fans shook with such glee each time a spine got crunched that they spilled beer all over my Asian-inspired platform flip flops. Don’t laugh, they were in fashion back then.

Now, there are a couple of ways this situation could have been avoided. You’re probably thinking that I should have been honest with him. Well, aren’t we critical; it’s very easy to look back and judge, but remember, hindsight is 20/20. The other way out would have been to learn everything about football in the 30 minutes I had to prepare. “Impossible,” you say. “Not so,” I counter back. What follows is everything I’ve learned about football in the three years since that fateful game. The impetus for this is not purely to trick your dates into thinking you’re something you aren’t but because, as it turns out, I really like football, and you might too. Get on the fast track. The Bowl games are right on the horizon.